Apparently there is a thing called the “Stronger Men’s Conference” that involves explosions and tanks and motorcycles and bull riding and weightlifting and boxing and … [checks notes] … a sword-swallowing male pole dancer(?). I see these things and I wonder: Is this what the end of Western Christianity looks like? Is Jesus just not interesting enough for us anymore? Have our spiritual senses been so dulled by television and movies and smartphones that Jesus has to jump across Snake River in the Skycycle X-2 to for us to notice him?
Anyway… Mark Driscoll was present at the latest iteration of this whatever-it-is and he condemned the male pole dancer, citing a Jezebel spirit as partly responsible and likening the dancer’s ascent to the Canaanite Asherah poles. He didn’t get very far, though, before he was kicked off stage by Pastor John Lindell who said Driscoll was “out of line” and should have confronted him privately as instructed in Matthew 18. As Johnny Carson would say, “Weird, wild stuff.”
The Social Media Platform Formerly Known as Twitter immediately erupted in spasms of gawking and condemnation. It’s all so confusing. I feel like I’m looking at something for which I have no categories. Sure, I understand explosions and tanks and motorcycles and bull riding and weightlifting and boxing and (I guess?) a sword-swallowing male pole dancer. That’s called a circus. Going to the circus is fun. Throw in a few elephants and a high-wire act and you’ve got yourself one humdinger of an afternoon!
But how do these things relate to the God who became flesh, lived a sinless life, died on the cross for our sins, rose from the dead, and will come again in glory? That’s the part I’m trying to figure out. I remember when Promise Keepers was big. It looked like there was a lot of crying and emotional stuff, which is not really my jam. But I get that people become overwhelmed with repentance and gratitude as they sense God’s great love for them and the emotions come flooding out. It’s a direct response to the power of divine grace. It seems more of a stretch to see the carnival-like atmosphere of the Stronger Men’s Conference as directly relevant to the work of the gospel.
Look, I am a fairly simple and stereotypical guy. Put me in front of a football game with a plate of chicken wings and I’m happy for the next three hours. I have no objection to explosions and whatnot. But let’s not confuse entertainment with evangelism. Entertainment involves giving people what they want. Evangelism involves giving people what they need. Both entertainment and evangelism are attempts to elicit a reaction, the former a reaction of pleasure, the second one of repentance. And when Mark Driscoll is the guy telling you that you’ve taken things too far, that might prompt some reflection.
Conferences like these are reactions to a perceived crisis of masculinity in both the church and the wider culture. I agree, there is a crisis of masculinity, but not one that we’ll solve crashing a tank through a wall of Tannerite while we blast “Bawitdaba” over 90-foot loudspeakers and shoot pterodactyls out of the air with patriot missiles. The crisis of masculinity in the church comes from a variety of factors. The breakdown of the family has resulted in hordes of men who don’t know what it means to grow up as part of a healthy family unit. Many men have abdicated their responsibilities and have refused to raise up the children they fathered. This pattern is cyclical. Boys with absentee fathers are more likely to become absentee fathers themselves. Moreover, popular culture has taught them that violence and coercion are the hallmarks of masculinity. Some churches have shrunk from talking about Christian masculinity because they have overcorrected in their attempts to avoid patriarchal teaching. Other churches talk about masculinity, but perhaps in stereotypes. We have not consistently taught young men truly to love, particularly as husbands and fathers. We haven’t taught them to be Christlike.
I suggest we must reteach men the values of humility, responsibility, and courage. I’ll suggest a few ways in which we might think about these values:
Humility: To cultivate humility means, first of all, to understand your proper relationship to God. You are a sinner saved by grace through faith (Eph 2:8). You’ve messed up, but you don’t have to live that way anymore. The Son of God died so that you can have new life. Now you must learn obedience to him. Submit your life to Christ. Confess him as your Lord and savior. Learn to turn the other cheek and forgive. Confess when you have done wrong. When you sin, repent and continue to work out your salvation in fear and trembling. Show kindness to others even when you don’t feel they deserve it. Be patient. Do not boast. These are not signs of weakness but of an inner strength God gives us through the Holy Spirit. Pray and read the Scriptures, knowing that you are not wise enough on your own to navigate life in righteousness. Become active in a church, seeking holiness through the community of the redeemed.
Responsibility: As a Christian, your life is not your own anymore. You are called to serve God and others, and this means your life must be in good order. Stay away from pornography. Quit smoking pot. Support yourself by working, and work hard. Move out of your parents’ basement. Stop playing video games all the time. Do not drink in excess. Take care of your finances. Care for your physical wellbeing. If you are married, be faithful and loving to your wife. Show her respect. Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself over for her (Eph 5:25). If you are a father, be present for your kids. Let them know you love them. Protect them, even at the expense of your own life. Model what it means to follow Christ. Honor your parents. Be sincere in your friendships.
Courage: This world does not like courageous people. It likes conformists. But Christians cannot be conformed to the patterns of this world. Rather, they are to be transformed by the renewing of their minds (Rom 12:2). How will you act when push comes to shove, when acting like a Christian may mean ridicule, or even the loss of opportunities? Stand by your principles. Do not be intimidated into doing what everyone else does. Speak up when you see something is wrong, even if you know you will be ridiculed. Step out in faith. Trust that God is guiding your steps. Tell the truth, even when it’s hard. Sacrifice for others and bear their burdens.
The adoption of these values won’t simply happen by default. In fact, left to our own devices, we will default to deeper and deeper levels of sin. We need Christian men who will mentor Christian men. We need spiritual fathers to guide spiritual sons, and spiritual sons to receive guidance from spiritual fathers. We need men to learn to receive the means of grace, to read Scripture, to pray, receive the sacrament, practice self-denial, and attend worship. They will learn this best by following the patterns of other men. The Christian life is best learned as an apprenticeship. We observe the work of those with more wisdom and experience and, in time, learn to follow their example. Fathers and spiritual fathers make a difference.
When I was a child, I was climbing on a woodpile in the backyard of my family’s home. I don’t know how I didn’t see the massive hornet’s nest that had appeared there. Perhaps I was just too young to recognize what it was. Nevertheless I stepped right into the middle of it, and my lower legs were immediately black with angry hornets. What I remember next is only a series of impressions: searing pain, running in panic, my dog dashing about in alarm, the incessant buzzing of the hornets. The most vivid impression, however, is the sudden appearance of my father, who began to bat the hornets off of my legs with his hands. He did not hesitate, and he surely paid a price, but this was an emergency: his son was in trouble. In light of his character I’m not surprised at his response.
So… you can bench-press 350 lbs? Awesome. Seriously, I’m impressed. There’s no way I could do that, and I know it took a lot of work to get to that point. But if you really want to be a Christian man, submit yourself to God and seek to develop humility, responsibility, and courage. The question of Christian character isn’t answered by whether you can pull a train using your teeth or rip a phonebook in half with your bare hands. Your real character—Christlike or not—will become apparent when the hornets show up.
What you're wise to point out here is that there are many things to rather easily say 'no' to, but we also need things to say 'yes' to. It isn't enough to say what is wrong. We have to be able to articulate, model, expect what is right.
I would submit, and I'm not sure you agree with me, that whatever we say yes to, it has to be something different from what we expect of women. I think a lot of harm has been done by making men and women interchangeable. When the best a man can be is exactly the same as an ideal woman, then there is a sort of androgyny that becomes a dominant mode of being within the body of Christ. I honestly think this is what many people desire. They want to baptize and make normative androgyny within the body of Christ. This is fated to alienate all but a minute portion of the population.
But the problem is that men and women are actually quite different. When we put them together expecting sameness, we find great abuse. I think many expect for the sameness in Christ to overrule the gendered differences that we have. I'm not sure that is the biblical vision, especially in light of the household codes.
The problem then is that we go to this sorta gross place of adopting cultural stereotypes of masculinity and baptizing them. Monster trucks, sports, and torches are cool, but they are also completely vain. We must be able to articulate something of substance for men to grab onto. I think it has something to do with being unbending, unflinching, immovable, uncompromising. It has to do with brute strength and being resolute. Yes, it must rebuke those worldly forms of masculinity that corrode truth and beauty, but it most offer a counterproposal that is also not feminine. Yet, it submits, but it also leads. Yes, it obeys, but it also commands.
What possible portrait can be realistically painted after the destruction of the notion of complementarity of the sexes? I'm not sure anything very solid can be offered...
It seems to me that everything that was listed here, with the exception of the hornet incident, is just more evidence that the institutional church in America has given up on the lost art of discipleship, and replaced it with gaining attendees through attractional entertainment.