Can we have a culture of honor?

Pushing back against self-absorption in the church.

On one of my many trips with students to Cuba, the pastors of a church we visited offered us refreshments after the service. One of my students was hesitant to partake because she was afraid she was taking food out of their mouths. After all, these pastors were living right on the edge. They understood the concept of daily bread. “You have to receive it,” I said to the student. In other words, we had to let them honor us as guests because to do otherwise would violate protocols of honor and embarrass our hosts. Accepting was the gracious thing to do. It was the honorable thing to do.

I’ve been in similar situations on many occasions. At times I’ve shared table with hosts and been entirely unsure what I was eating. Nevertheless, I ate it. It may not have tasted like brisket and fried okra, but I ate what was before me because refusing it would dishonor those who provided it.

My first book, Honor Among Christians (Fortress, 2010), was an academic exercise. I tried to unpack what is often called the “messianic secret” in Mark, a term coined by German biblical scholar William Wrede in 1901. Using insights from social-scientific criticism, I argued that ancient Mediterranean people would have understood the relevant passages not in terms of secrecy, but honor.

Since publishing that book, I haven’t revisited the topic. I became interested in theological interpretation of Scripture, particularly in the Wesleyan tradition, because of its practical importance in the church. I wanted to speak into some of the issues that were matters of debate in my denomination at that time (the United Methodist Church) and the Wesleyan world more broadly.

These days I find myself thinking about honor again. It is taken for granted as a core value in many cultural contexts. It is embedded in social expectations and ordered relationships that provide social cohesion. Nevertheless in the West I see little evidence of it. We once had a sense of honor, and today it exists in certain ethnic subcultures, but in the U.S. broadly speaking it is no longer a core cultural value. Why are we so different? I’m not sure, but I suspect the answer is connected to our unprecedented prosperity and comfort. These have given rise to decadence, self-indulgence, and narcissism to such an extent that we neglect the family, the church, fraternal organizations, and other structures that have long ordered society and in which honor played a key role. Honor is a relational concept, but in the West the quality of our relationships is at an all-time low.

Eric Ward, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

The church should be different. I say that so often I feel like it should be carved on my tombstone Then again, I can think of worse inscriptions (for example, “He was a Cowboys fan.”) The church is unlike any other community. Only the church is called into being by Christ and guided and empowered by his Spirit. Only the church takes the Old and New Testaments as its inspired Scripture revealing who God is, who we are, and how we should live. The church should be different, and that means that in a cultural context without honor, we can honor one another. In Romans 12:10 Paul teaches, “Love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.” We show love to brothers and sisters in Christ in part by honoring them. How does this work, though?

Honor was a key component of all meaningful relationships in the ancient world. Reams of scholarly literature explore this topic. For the purposes of this post, however, suffice it to say that whether within the household, in faith communities, in government, or in the area of social class, honor mattered. In many ways, the worlds of Jesus and Paul were rigidly hierarchical, and honor was the fabric that held the whole system together.

We’re not ancient Mediterranean people, and we don’t view honor in the same way as they did. For one thing, in the ancient world honor had to be displayed in public or it didn’t count. This isn’t a requirement for us. We may honor others in public or in private. For another, throughout the Western world, we aren’t normally so hierarchical as they were (until you go to the BMV). Nevertheless, the Bible can teach us a great deal about relationships among people of faith and how we can honor one another.

I’ve been kicking around the following definition of honor for Christians today: Honor means we acknowledge the dignity and goodness of others within the ordering of God’s household, the church. (I will likely revise this over time. Or perhaps I’ll completely scrap it. I don’t know…. I’m thinking in public here.) The roles of husband and wife, father and mother, children and parents, pastors and congregants, and other relationships involve honor. Allow me to give some examples of how I try to honor people in my life. I want to be clear, though: I am in no way a perfect model of how to show honor. I’m stumbling and bumbling along, trying to make sense of the Christian life. I’m learning. What follows consists of my thinking in this fleeting moment in front of my computer:

• I honor God—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I acknowledge that he is the only God who exists, and there is none beside him. I seek to be obedient to him in thought, word, and deed. In Revelation 4, the four living creatures (angels) sing to the One seated on the throne (God), “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created” (Rev 4:11). We honor God above all others. We worship and serve no other gods. We obey his commands.

• I honor my parents (Exod 20:12). They raised me up in the faith, cared for me, and taught me right from wrong. I haven’t always honored them, and for those times I have had to repent. If my parents were evil, if they had abused me or directed me away from God, I would have to rethink what honoring them would mean. Perhaps it might mean forgiving their offenses in obedience to Christ without pursuing further relationship with them. Such circumstances are painful and complex, and I have no facile answers. My parents didn’t do those things, however, but just the opposite. They fulfilled their roles as faithful parents, and I do my best to fulfill my role as a faithful son.

• I honor my wife by marital fidelity to her (Eph 5:25). The longer we have been married, the more I realize this doesn’t simply mean I will not commit adultery, but I will build her up. I will not belittle or embarrass her. I will listen to her and show her respect. When frustrated, I will try to be patient. I will be an attentive and loving father to our children. Within our family I will exercise humble authority. Sometimes I will step on the proverbial rake and have to apologize.

• I honor my children by loving them, providing for them, and guiding them toward Christ (Eph 6:4). Throughout their lives, I have tried, however imperfectly, to be an example of Christian discipleship. I want them to know their father loves them, and because of that wants them to know and love God. I try never to embarrass my children, but rather affirm them as they make strides into adulthood and maturity in faith. I have prayed with my children, taken them to church each week, cared for them when they have been sick, attended their school and sporting events, and generally tried to show that they are important to me and important to God.

• Much the same goes for spiritual sons and daughters (1 Tim 1:18). While my relationship with them is different from that with my children, I still try to show them love and build them up in the faith. I check in on them, pray for them, and encourage them. At times I have had to offer loving correction. I can do this because they have given me permission to do so in their lives. That is a way in which they honor me as a spiritual father.

• I honor my bishop (1 Tim 3:1). When he speaks, I take it seriously. I submit to his authority. I feel secure in doing this because he consistently shows the love of God and a Christlike character in his actions. I believe God has given him spiritual authority over me, and I am grateful for that.

• I honor my pastors (1 Tim 5:17). I listen carefully to their preaching. I affirm them privately and before others. If I had concerns about their leadership (which I do not), I would go to them privately rather than create controversy or division within the church. If someone were to begin to tear them down, I would come to their defense. I do all I can to support the church over which they have spiritual and temporal authority.

• I honor my spiritual father, Billy Abraham (1 Cor 4:15). I work to continue in his vocation of scholarship in service to the church, particularly within the Wesleyan/Methodist tradition. I acknowledge his influence in my life. I point others to his work. After all, I am part of his intellectual and spiritual legacy, and I receive that with gratitude.

• I honor colleagues by treating them with respect (Rom 12:10). I make it a policy never to embarrass anyone. I listen to them and consider their ideas, even if I end up disagreeing with them. If I have the opportunity to affirm their work, I try to do so. I attempt to facilitate the success of those I supervise, and I celebrate their accomplishments.

What would it mean to create cultures of honor within our churches? How would things be different if this were our expectation? I believe the church would be better off for it, and we could show the world a different and better way of living.

Yes, I know that these things can get out of hand. For example, sometimes pastors or bishops are regarded with a disproportionate and unhealthy esteem, even to the point that they lack proper accountability. Recall, though, the definition of honor that I’m using: Honor means we acknowledge the dignity and goodness of others within the ordering of God’s household, the church. We aren’t honoring the pastor or bishop in those circumstances, because our regard for them doesn’t reflect the proper ordering of God’s household. Servants of the Lord should walk in humility, and we can honor them when they do.